I always watch Match of the Day and I haven’t seen Alan Hansen on it for a while, which I thought was a bit odd.
‘Cause I make observations of things I’ve seen and not seen.
And my wife said to me, “Can you hang up, uh, your new, white, fancy pirate shirt ’cause we’ve got that barbecue on Saturday?”
So I said, “Yeah, alright, where are the pegs?”
And she said, “They’re in the peg bag where they always are.”
Y’know, she’s got a peg bag.
So I looked inside and, uh, in with the pegs, I saw Alan Hansen, and so that’s where hе’s been.
He passed me up a pеg, I hung up my pirate shirt, and I’m ready for my barbecue.
Also, I’m not wondering anymore where Alan Hansen is, so I can relax at the barbecue, ’cause it was playing on my mind a bit.

Album: Loose Tapestries Presents the Luxury Comedy Tapes

Alan Hansen’s Peg Bag is a spoken word interlude from the Losse Tapestries’ album, Loose Tapestries Presents the Luxury Comedy Tapes. The lyrics are entirely spoken by Noel Fielding.

Loose Tapestries Presents the Luxury Comedy Tapes: Vinyl
Loose Tapestries Presents the Luxury Comedy Tapes: Digital